It’s nearly that magical time again, folks – when we swap pub chat for polling stations, and have our say in who’ll help steer the mighty ship of Kempsey for the next few years.
Here’s the headline:
You’ll get one vote.
That’s it.
Uno. Single. A lonely little X.
So, choose wisely. Or at least don’t do that thing where you panic in the booth and draw a smiley face.
How does it work?
- Head to your polling station on Thursday 1st May.
- Collect your ballot paper.
- You’ll see five names staring back at you like an electoral episode of The Apprentice.
- Mark ONE X in the box next to your chosen candidate. Not two. Not “eeny meeny miny moe.” Just one X.
No doodles. No “LOL.” No ‘tick if you’re hot’ – just the sacred X, please.
Who’s on the ballot?
✅ Martin Allen – Green Party
Statement: “I am a Royal Navy veteran of the Falklands War and I am standing for re-election to Worcestershire County Council in the Division of Croome, which covers Kempsey, Severn Stoke, Earls Croome, Baughton, Ripple, Ryall/Holly Green, Upton Upon Severn and Pear Tree Fields.”
Focus:
Experienced incumbent seeking re-election
Military background (Royal Navy, Falklands War)
Strong emphasis on service, duty, and continuity
Represents a wide local area
🌹 Juma Begum – Labour Party
Statement:“We couldn’t find a statement for Juma, so we’ll point you to Labour policies.”
Focus:
Labour Party platform as basis for policy expectations
🔶 John Drage – Liberal Democrats
Statement:“Check the Lib Dem policy.”
Focus:
Refers voters to Liberal Democrat manifesto
Likely aligned with national party stances
No individual/localised pledges stated here
🔵 Sarah McDermott – Conservative and Unionist Party
Statement:“Born and raised in Upton on Severn in the Harker family.”
Focus:
Emphasises deep local roots
Personal, heritage-based appeal
No specific policy positions stated
💥 Russ Varley – Reform UK
Statement / Priorities:
No more housebuilding!
Construct the promised £1M sports centre in Kempsey
Extend doctor surgery hours
Improve bus service from Upton to Worcester
Funding for proper rural crime resources
Focus:
Policy-driven campaign
Strong positions on housing, local facilities, healthcare access, transport, and crime prevention
So who should I vote for?
That’s your call, Captain Democracy. But whatever your politics — left, right, centre, upside-down — the important bit is that you VOTE.
Whether you’re:
- Passionate about change
- Mildly interested
- Just in it for the free pencil
You’ve got a voice — and it matters.
PS: If your polling card never arrived (cheers, Royal Mail), don’t worry. You don’t need it to vote. Just bring valid ID— like a passport, driving licence, bus pass — and you’re good to go.
So grab your ID, head to the polls on Thursday 1st May, and mark your one and only X. Because if you don’t use your vote, someone else decides for you. And they might be the person who leaves the milk out.
This is all in good humour, folks. We’re not backing anyone. We’re just here to stir the pot, not spill the beans. All roasting was done under equal-flame conditions with locally sourced satire. If you’re offended, please send your complaints to: Bin, Recycling Side, Kempsey Village.
