Brace yourselves, bargain-hunters of Kempsey: the good people of St John’s are about to get their very own Lidl, and it’s practically within trolley-wheeling distance for us. (Just picture the convoy of Kempsey folk wobbling over the bridge with £1 coins at the ready.)
| Stat | Why You’ll Care |
|---|---|
| Sales floor: 1,500 m² | That’s roughly two-and-a-half tennis courts of pick-’n’-mix middle-aisle madness. |
| Parking: 122 spaces | Including six disabled bays, nine “parent-and-child” spots, two EV chargers, and—sadly—zero designated spaces for dragons or tractors. |
| Extras | Five small commercial units + two “incubator” units (perfect if your start-up sells artisanal Worcestershire sauce or knitted avocado cosies). |
| Location | East side of the old Meco site, backing onto whimsically named Happy Land West. |
| Current site | A collection of crumbling warehouses with roofs more wobbly than a jelly at a fête (asbestos included—lovely). |
A Lidl Bit of Local History
Older residents will remember the Meco (later Joy Mining) factory that once rumbled away here – a near-century-old industrial giant now making way for, well… discount pastries and inflatable paddle boards.
What We’re (Half-Seriously) Hoping For
- A Kempsey Express Aisle – because nothing says “local loyalty” like a shelf dedicated to Teme Valley honey, unidentifiable village-hall chutneys, and emergency wellies.
- In-store PA Announcements in Broad Worcestershire – Imagine: “Ay up, luv, yer bargains await in middle aisle three!”
- Drive-thru Pasties – They’ve got 122 parking spaces; surely one of them can be a pastry pit stop.
The Design: Sleek, Grey, and Glazed
Architects promise a “clean aesthetic” with curtain-wall glazing. Translation: it’s a large grey box with windows… but at least you can admire the freshly-baked pretzels from the car park.
“Incubator Units”: Dragons’ Den, but with More Pigeons
Tucked next to the main store will be two miniature business pods. Will they spawn the next tech unicorn? Or simply Worcester’s nattiest micro-brewery? Either way, we can all watch through the Lidl café window while dunking a 29p croissant into our coffee.
What Happens Next?
- Planning: The application is with Worcester City Council. Expect Councillor Richard Udall to go over it with a magnifying glass, a tape measure, and possibly a sausage roll for sustenance.
- Demolition: Those asbestos-risk roofs get the boot. Hard hats on, everybody.
- Construction: Once the dust settles, we’ll have Lidl #4 for Worcester—and a new Kempsey Saturday-morning ritual.
Final Thoughts from Over the River
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s another Lidl, soaring in to keep our freezers full of bargain ice-cream and our homes inexplicably stocked with scuba fins, hedge-trimmers, and novelty gnomes. We’ll see you in the middle aisle—mind the elbows.
