In Attendance:
Cllrs Waller (Chair & Chief Herd-Cat), Stevens, Gardener, Cooke and Biddle – all present and accounted for, armed with pens and patient expressions.
Apologies: Cllrs Plummer, Anstey, Clamp, White – all off doing “personal” things (translation: anywhere but here).
Also Starring: County Cllr Allen, District Cllr Harrison, 4 residents with courage, and Sharon “Spreadsheets” Dunn as Clerk & RFO.
District Cllr Michael sent regrets – something about “MHDC Trust”, which sounds suspiciously like a secret society.
Declarations of Interest:
None declared. Everyone apparently owns nothing, knows no one, and has no opinions. Clean slates all around.
Public Question Time:
Public spoke. Council listened. Notes taken. Probably at least one suggestion to fix a pothole with duct tape and optimism.
Matters Arising
- Minutes from January: Approved with a flourish – because what’s the point of doing things if not to write them down later?
- Fireworks at Plovers Rise (Nov 2025):
- The Friends of Kempsey Primary were granted permission to launch things into the air.
- Risk assessments to be submitted (read: paperwork to prove they’re not launching toddlers).
- Cllr White to contact police about Main Road parking mayhem – possibly involving cones and glares.
- Disabled Parking Letter: Response to parishioner: “Not now, but maybe later at Pixham.”
- Citizens Advice Funding Request: Politely filed in the “Give It To F&GP” pile.
Finance – aka Counting the Coppers
- Payments: Authorised
- Bank statement: Read and nodded at
- Budget: Noted, admired, and possibly feared
- 2025/26 budget: Officially A Thing
Grants, Gadgets & Gumption
- 🎯 £20k Lottery Grant application approved to kickstart a Youth Hub. (Bring your own enthusiasm and snacks.)
- 💰 £3k Youth Innovation Grant accepted – cue cautious celebration.
- ❤️ Defib/CPR Training: 15 lucky folks to be revived at the bargain rate of £250 (+£25 per bonus body). Awaiting date confirmation.
Committees: Where the Real Drama Brews
Environment:
- Holly tree’s gone; cherry tree may make a cameo. WCC being chased like a shy squirrel.
Community Centres:
- Ice signs installed – perfect for our annual 2 minutes of frost.
- Fire assessments done; buildings deemed delightfully uncombustible. Next up: fire training (bring marshmallows?).
Infrastructure:
- Final reports in; planning documents being shuffled like budget-season Uno cards.
Commons & Recreation:
- Lease talks with KCFC continue – football boots metaphorically on the table.
- Severn Trent wants to lay pipes. A mysterious access track ownership puzzle now exists. Possibly a job for Poirot.
- New 2-in-1 Gate for Kempsey Common approved: £912 + VAT – the Fort Knox of field gates.
- Brambles to be hacked back before they declare independence.
- Ashmoor Common: It’s a bit soggy. Hydrologist to be summoned like a wizard.
Planning:
- Cllr Gardener to submit the SWDPR response by Feb 11 at 5pm – and not a minute later. Cakes may be needed.
Chairman’s Rambles (Waller’s World)
- “Community Builder” panel met – topics included visioning, youth, and the magical mystery of funding.
- Emergency Plan: A flashback to the 2007 floods had everyone contemplating wellies and better drainage.
- Cllr Clamp now leads this Noah-esque initiative.
- 💰 WCC Budget 2025-26:
- £33 million shortfall = budget sadness.
- Focus: Vulnerable Adults, Kids, and Teen Travel
- Proposed fix: 4.99% rise and slightly shinier Lengthsman scheme.
- Kempsey Times Article to feature: defibrillators and planning fun. Readers are encouraged to sit down first.
Secret Squirrel Section (Items 10 & 11)
🔒 Press and public asked to leave so the council could talk hush-hush things without the sound of biscuit wrappers interrupting.
- 🎉 Deputy Clerk passed probation – pension scheme invitation imminent. Let the paperwork commence.
- 🧹 Staffing matters discussed: Lengthsman mentioned. Probably several times. Possibly invoked like Beetlejuice.
Meeting concluded. Everyone survived. No chairs thrown. Next time: more gates, fewer gates, who knows?
