A group of fed-up Upton residents led by Julia Martin, Hilary Sargeant, and what we can only assume is a WhatsApp group called Hillbee Farm Watchdogs is calling for swift action after a static caravan landed at Hillbee Farm with all the subtlety of a spaceship in a village green.
The caravan, described by locals as “huge”, now towers over nearby properties like a fibreglass monolith, allegedly installed in defiance of a recent planning refusal. Said refusal, by Malvern Hills District Council, turned down plans for four caravan pitches, a stable block, and a shipping container. Naturally, residents were shocked to find at least one of those things still managed to pop up like a bad sequel.
“It’s right up against the fence,” declared Mrs Martin, shaking her head so hard the neighbours felt it. “It’s bright at night, it’s noisy, it’s there — and most offensively, it wasn’t invited.”
Meanwhile, Mrs Sargeant added, “It’s not just the eyesore. The dogs bark all night – it’s like living next to a 24-hour audition for Britain’s Got Bark.”
Local councillor Martin Allen (a man clearly running out of diplomatic synonyms for “annoyed”) confirmed that enforcement notices have been served, but suspects the owners might attempt to appeal. “It’s been going on since the ‘90s,” he sighed, probably while looking longingly at retirement brochures. “We keep saying we’ll do something, then drown in red tape while the residents go slowly mad.”
The council says it is, of course, monitoring the situation – the bureaucratic equivalent of peeking through the curtains and pretending to be on a call. A planning agent representing the landowners insists the new mobile home is merely replacing an older one, not an additional unit. However, no one seems entirely sure where the old one has gone, or if it ever existed in the first place.
The landowner, a Mr Finney, was unavailable for comment possibly hiding in the mobile home with the lights off and the dogs on guard duty.
In the meantime, residents await action, armed with garden torches, noise complaints, and a slowly brewing storm of indignation.
Sounds like a nasty bunch of old hosebags! Jesus I’m glad i don’t live there. Get a cases beer and head over for a welcoming party. Crikey!
Always some busy body interfering in someone else’s lives. They are jealous and the mobile home should stay. It’s not an eyesore, it’s not out of place and they are not going around causing havoc. The complainers should just p**s off and get a life.